Reflection on parenthood...and being an aunt

Mother's Day & Father's Day.

In both my natal family, and with Patrick and I, neither of these "holidays" have held much significance. We always acknowledge them, but usually in a superficial way. Honestly, I don't feel that I need to have a secular, specialized day to celebrate my parents...I believe that the they are due the honor commanded by God, and this is an everyday thing...not just once a year.

This year, both Mother's Day & Father's Day have been bittersweet for me. I have found myself thinking of it a lot more this year. Maybe it's the distance from Texas. Maybe just the lack of my parents presence. Maybe, it's just that little voice in my head, reminding me of the title that I'll probably never bear...Mama. Maybe, I'm just being silly...I don't know.

So, I find myself on both Mother's Day and Father's Day, reflecting on who I am...an aunt.

I remember the first time that I realized that my aunt Arlelle GREW UP with my daddy, just as I was growing up with my brothers, Nolan & Nathan. As a chld, this was a mind-blowing thought. She was Daddy's SISTER! This incredible epiphany suddenly impacted on my brain in a searing moment of clarity. Just as I had been both a little mother and playmate to my little brothers, so had she. Just as I would fight for them, no questions asked (until afterwards of course!); so would she. Just as I would fight tooth-n-toenail WITH them, others better watch out, because they could have NO greater defender; so would she. I am their sister, and my love for them is deeper than I can comprehend. Suddenly, she wasn't just "my aunt," she was all of this, my Daddy's sister...with all the joys and trials that encompass that relationship.

And so the years past by...nothing of course changed in my relationship with Aunt Arlelle, she was still "my aunt." A woman who has been in my life basically ever since I can remember. Who has always looked out for my well-being from a distance, and in whom I knew I could turn in a time of trouble. Always saying how much she loved me, and making sure that she got a hug. Most of the time, I took it all for granted, considering it my due to be so loved (even most of the time growing up, I was far too busy for hugs!) I continued to not think of why it was the way it was...it just was; and in a child's egocentric way, she was just Aunt, no other explanation needed...no matter how old I grew.

Then in December 2006, Ian Matthew Guess was born...and I became Auntie Lea. Now, suddenly in a moment, I WAS the aunt. Immediately, my heart grew and began to overflow with love for this small, little person, that I had not yet met...my nephew. Words are simply inadequate to describe the deep love that I felt for that baby boy. In a year or so, Joel joined his brother, Ian; and my brother, Nolan, had a son, Aron.

I know that Ian, Joel & Aron will NEVER be able to understand the deep and abiding love that I hold in my heart for them, and they don't have to; because nothing will change the fact...those little boys are the most precious children in my life. Despite the distance, there isn't anything that I wouldn't do for them.

Then, in March, when my Grandmother died, Patrick and I went home for her funeral. Nearly all my extended familiy was present. I was helping prepare for dinner, at my parents house, and Aunt Arlelle came up to me, and told me that she loved me, but she didn't stop there. She simply told me, "Lea, you know these little boys that you love so much? That's the way that I love you. You can finally understand it." ...and she walked away.

I had NEVER been so floored. All my life, I had taken for granted the love, and sometimes begrudged the obligatory hugs that the child is due their older family members. Finally, I realized all that I had been missing. These men and women who are my aunts and uncles aren't just random people in my life. They don't have an obligation to love me. But they DO love me, in a way, that I have only recently begun to understand.

So, on a day for acknowleging the love of a parent and child...I want to take a moment to say "thank-you" to all my aunts and uncles, Uncle Sonny & Aunt Carol, Aunt Arlelle & Uncle Ed, Uncle Harold, Uncle Howard & Aunt Charlene, Aunt Tracy...thank you for all the love over the years.

I finally get it.

(posted to my FB notes as well)