Finally...it REALLY fits!

My hunny and I were shopping for furniture today, and he noticed that my jeans had developed an embarassing "stretch mark" at the joint of my back pocket...so we immediately headed to the nearest mall, and the location of my favorite clothing store, CJ Banks. Trying on several pairs of jeans resulted in nada, and so we headed down the mall to the scariest store ever...Lane Bryant.

I don't know why, but Lane Bryant was, at one time, a wonderful store for fuller figures, but over the last couple of years, their style has moved towards a more trendy, adolescent styling that doesn't mesh well with fuller figures, in my opinion...not to mention a professional look! Therefore, I have strictly avoided and have begun to actually detest their stores.

So, with great trepidation, I cautiously walked in and found the stacks of jeans lining the wall. What greeted my eyes was a rainbow of colors...well, just three, but red, blue and yellow...and a myriad of sizes, only these were 1, 2, 3, 4, etc. In absolute shock, I stood there baffled...finally a self-described "cute" salesclerk arrived and offered to measure my waist to assess my fit for these ridiculously tiny sizes.

Finally, after watching her change measuring tape once, and then turn it over and over, back and forth, obviously without the slightest hint of where to start...this humble seamtress grab up the tape, read the large-print instructions of START HERE ->> and placed the thin strap around my middle and waited for the salesclerk to pull it ever so tightly and kindly degree...SIZE 3!

So, then the amazing array of colors...what color was I? After a brief discussion about fit of jeans in the past...it was determined that I was BLUE, to my silent and joyful acclaim, I always knew that BLUE was my favorite color for a very good reason! Honestly, can anyone imagine me a YELLOW?!?!!!

Lastly, I had to choose between two style of cut, either bootcut or flare. Both styles were pushed into my hands and I turned to move to the rooms at the back of the store. Suddenly, a young, blond, and totally excitable salesclerk joined us and suggested that I also try a RED, as she just knew this would be the best fit! So, with three pairs of jeans in hand, I handed to the changing rooms, quite sure that all the colors and the new sizes were simply hype...and I would be soon facing the inevitable conclusion, yet another brand of jeans that really doesn't fit...might be passable, but not truly fit.

Was I in for the surprise of my life! I tried the first pair, the BLUE, SIZE 3, bootcut jeans and fell in love...for the first time since the torrent of estrogen ran rough-shod over my DNA and turned my cells from girl to woman, I had truly found a pair of jeans that REALLY fit! I couldn't believe it...no awkward gapping at the waist, no belts cinched tight or need to place uncomfortable darts in the waistband to make them fit.

Soon, I was opening my wallet and purchasing one pair immediately. Over the next few weeks, I hope to find that they will continue to fit well, and if so, I know that I'll be back...even if the store is a frightening collection of styles that will never find their way into my closet.

Ultimately, I find it hillariously funny...I wear a SIZE 3!
*giggles uncontrollably*